Will Self?

Looking back over my files of unrealised projects, I found this one from 2004 about a group of average man – and woman – superheroes, entitled The Fantastic Four:

"Phillip Glass read a lot of newspapers and magazines. A great unruly thatch of them covered his kitchen table. Often his wife, Thelma, would take armfuls out into the garden and burn them. Phillip Glass discovered, through his assiduous – and yet casual – newsprint trawling that as his life winnowed down to seeming-nothing and suburban entropy, he had become, statistically, the most common individual in Britain – if not the wider world.

Phillip Glass was, he realised, a member of a silent minority that lay in the densely-shaded intersection of the most complex imaginable Venn diagram. His marital status was typical; his sexual orientation predictable; his income, median; his consumer profile, lacking in salience; his occupation, office bound. But far from Glass relapsing into the mild depression we might expect (we recall at this juncture, Beckett's 'Soon we will be old, then we will be dead'), one ordinary morning, when a senior colleague from Corporate HQ was late for a meeting, Glass discovered that he had Amazing Powers. His very anonymity and intuitive ubiquity made it possible for Glass to assume the role of the missing colleague, while yet attending the meeting himself. This was not a straightforward impersonation – but something more numinous and complex. Glass was the ultimate faceless bureaucrat, and as such anyone present could see anyone not present's face projected on to his fleshy screen..."

It goes on; Statman – as Glass styles himself – discovers Bigman, Crazy Cat Woman and Neurogirl, all of them bog-standard types with incredible powers. Together they begin to right the world's wrongs. Of course, then along came the TV series Heroes and rendered my novel idea otiose. Am I pissed about this? Am I hell – nothing is ever lost in the creative economy – unlike the real one.
[BY WILL SELF] [THIS GOES ON THE INDEPENDENT: Greatest stories never told.]
Will Self is represented at Bloom in many and different ways. You should not hesitate to come and give him try. Will not change your Self, but for sure you will never forget him. The same way, you will never forgive him. So what are you waiting for?


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